Day 17:: The Crucible of Choice

Not my will, but Your will be done.

I'm just saying, "Let's be gut-level honest here. If it doesn't cost you anything, it's not worth anything." Need more clarity? Do whatever you want. But if it pleases you, all the while contradicting the word of God, you are pleasing your own god--but you are your own god.

• Thoughts of Jesus in the garden? Scared. Tired. Desperate. 
• Collision of Wills:  What I want for my life vs. what God wants in my life.
• Big collision of wills: I was called to be a missionary right after I was saved when I was 13. It's not that I didn't want to do that. I would love to be more involved in all sorts of mission trips. I just picked different things and walked different paths that led me in the opposite directions. 
• I was so completely convicted after I realized what I had done. There's only one thing left to do. I should probably find every way possible to get back to where I could be had I not ventured away from the will of God.
• I make excuses. I make them often. "its not in my nature." "i can't just go and talk to them." "I don't do things like that by myself." "I don't want people to think I'm a goody goody." 

• Matthew 26:36-46 (New International Version)

  
  

  Gethsemane

   ³⁶Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." ³⁷He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. ³⁸Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me." ³⁹Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
   ⁴⁰Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. ⁴¹"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."
   ⁴²He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."
   ⁴³When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. ⁴⁴So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.
   ⁴⁵Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. ⁴⁶Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!"

Matthew 26:39, 42
2Samuel 24:24
Psalm 63

Day 16:: God's Curriculum

God's Curriculum includes:

1. Enough joy to encourage us.
2. Enough love to strengthen us.
3. Enough success to build our confidence.
4. Enough suffering to force us to depend on Him.
5. Enough confusion to make us seek His Face.

He Does Puts Us Through "School" to Build Our Faith!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8-9)

God's method of Instruction:

1. Impart truth.
2. Affirmation; like an answered prayer.
3. Test...to see if we really believe Him.

 There are 2 kinds of Darkness:

1. to young Christians, darkness is through their sins. The solution is confession, repentance, and obedience.
2. to mature Christians, the darkness is very different. If you are in that darkness and you try to 'light your own flame' and produce your own emotion, you will "lie down in torment" (Isaiah 50:10-11)

"Many times the tests God gives us are not only for us. God uses them to get the attention of those around us too."
"Each of us faced a test to see if we would trust Him, to see if we would cry out to Him when no one else could come through for us."

• God gave me:
• Enough joy to encourage me: Joy isn't the same thing as happiness. I get absolutely giddy with joy when I think about what's waiting for me, of all people, on the other side of this life. :)
• Enough love to strengthen me: I'll tell you one thing. If Jesus loved me enough to die the death he suffered on that cross, I know that through Him I have the strength to do anything. :)
• Enough success to build my confidence: When I feel like there's nothing else I can learn, or no way I can advance...He throws a little 'success' my way and lets me know that I'm capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. 
• Enough suffering to force me to depend on him: I suffered so much when my parents passed away. I didn't know, until recently, how much of me that took and how big of a deal that was. Without Christ, there is no doubt in my mind that I would not be who I am today.
• Enough confusion to make me seek his face: Lately, I've been so confused with death. I don't know what happens when you die. I don't know how things happen. No better time than to really investigate. :)
• "Dark Night of the Soul" :: Sometimes, even recently, I have felt like there's nothing I can do to make certain things be heard by Christ. I suppose He has a plan for me and those things don't have a place in my life. Its really hard when it seems like I can't overcome a sin, especially when I don't even know its a sin. 
• As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than our ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)  This is very encouraging to me. And very incomprehensible at the same time. All I can understand is what I know. It's amazing that Christ knows so much more about the direction I'm heading.
• Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:3-5)  He leads us the right way through obstacles that we see as being 'in our way' of coming through that test, when, in reality, the journey is the test. 

Day 15:: The Risk Of Grace

"His [Moses'] comfortable existence quickly became an amazing adventure."
The path of obedience and deliverance was through the valley of suffering.

Pain produces character in our lives like no amount of pleasure possibly can. Failure and rejection force us to seek God's face just as Moses did. When we go to him in desperation, our ears and our hearts are more open to him than ever before. In that face-to-face encounter, God can expose and purge away impurities in our behavior and our motivations. ... Suffering and repetition of trusting God in those painful times makes our faith grow in him. 

• Suffer from following Christ? Yep. You don't indulge in the worldly pleasures. You don't get to have a million friends, especially when they aren't true. Suffer from not following Christ? More. You don't have the riches of heaven. You don't have peace. Or joy. You don't feel the real kind of love. 
• How do most Christians respond to suffering? I can't speak for 'most' of us, but I can speak for myself. I don't think I deal with suffering very well honestly. I don't even know if I deal with it at all. That's my problem. When something is going wrong with any part of my life, I mostly just ignore it. :/ Not good, I know. But its like, if I can't see it happening, I won't have to do anything about it.
• I don't feel like anything that could happen to me to be considered true 'suffering'. Suffering is dying with AIDS in Africa or running for your life in Ghana or Iraq or living in absolute poverty like so many people here are. 
• Suffered for my faith lately? Sure I have.  I know that in order for me to be able to follow closer to Christ, I just can't participate in things. And by staying away from it, I have suffered in my flesh and felt lonely or sad. I want so bad to just say yes sometimes. I've lost a few friends. I wish that the answer to 'why' would just come without wait. But you know what.... What I have waiting for me out weighs every single thing my flesh suffers against while I'm on this earth. :)
• They were commended for their faith, yet none of them had received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. Heb 11:39-40 yeah. that's some powerful words.

Day 14:: Too Full To Eat?

We have settled for garbage instead of feasting on the nourishment God richly provides.

• Reading this story of Chris Heurtz and the mission work he did in Calcutta at the House of the Dying, my heart was completely broken. He witnessed these dying, 4-5 year old girls with AIDS rummaging through trash discarded by the lepers and diseased. They were hungry. But they didn't have anything good to feast on. What an eye-opener. Wow! 
• Things that promise to satisfy, but really poison:: Movies, music, conversations with friends, the language of the guys at work, sexual insinuations. I've experienced these. All these. Movies are fun to laugh at, but the contents sometimes leave me with that desire to go drink or have sex or go get in a fight. Same goes for music. And for things guys have said/promised to me. Its all empty.
• Better Choices: I don't listen to certain music because of the contents and words of the artists. I found that it really was degrading. Matter of fact, what goes into your heart also comes out of it. Nothing good can come of something bad. Period. 

This story really broke my heart. Its amazing how true it is. We fill ourselves with garbage hoping it will sustain us. In reality, all it does is leave us emptier than before we indulged in it. 

Matthew 5:6
Jeremiah 15:16

Day 13:: Grace: Cheap or Costly?

"God's grace is an incredible thing. We sing about it. We hear sermons about it. We can never get enough of it. Yet too many of us misunderstand it."  -Nassar

Mercy is Not getting what we deserve. 

Grace is Getting what we don't deserve.

Grace is like an unlimited credit card with Jesus paying the bill.

Cheap grace is the sterile doctrine of forgiveness divorced from Jesus himself. It is the teaching of Christian freedom that is neat and clean, separated from the blood and agony of the cross. Cheap grace is grace without obedience, right doctrine without passion, the shell without the substance. In this teaching of the free gift of grace, forgiveness is taken for granted so we don't need to face Jesus with our sin. We feel no deep sorrow over our moral failures, and the deep desire to be delivered from sin is missing. You see, it's already paid for, so it's no big deal!

If we only signed on for a pleasure cruise, being a disciple of Jesus Christ will be a big disappointment.

The opposite of cheap grace is costly grace. ... It cost Jesus the anguish of Gethsemane and the agony of Calvary. The nails were not symbolic; they were made of iron. The whip and the crown of thorns were not theoretical. They cut his flesh and his blood flowed. His death was not just an example to us. It caused a tectonic earthquake in the history of the Universe and in the lives of every person who has ever lived. The grace of God is centered in, and cannot possibly be divorced from, a person. He is the treasure more worthy than anything we have. He is the one we worship and obey because he is worthy. He is the one whose love so overwhelmed the apostle John that it changed his identity. ... It changed his life.

GRACE IS NOT THE REAL THING UNLESS IT MAKES A REAL DIFFERENCE IN OUR LIVES. 

• What's the difference??
• CheapGrace: 
• Jesus died for my sins so I'm sure He'll forgive me for this...
• CostlyGrace:
• I don't want to hurt Jesus. He gave Himself so that I can be free from this sin.
• A while back, I used to go out at least twice a week...if not 3 times. I wouldn't always drink, but I sure did my fair share. Its like, I put Christ on the back burner. I knew I had a problem with the way I was spending my time when I would have this gut-wrenching knot in my heart every time I would even consider going out. I would say, "ok. this is what I'm gonna do. He'll forgive me." But that wasn't the case anymore. I wondered why I wasn't 'happy' anymore. I didn't really understand why I couldn't do things and then just expect Christ to forgive me. I would go and go and go and just expect Him to use his 'unlimited forgiveness' every single time for me.
• The one time I can remember being in shock over what Christ actually did for us was when I saw Passion of The Christ for the first time. The complete and utter pain and hurt in his eyes. Me seeing Him depicted as a good-for-nothing piece was all it took for me to comprehend, to the best of my human capability, that He really did die for me. My sin cost him his life. That's Grace.
• I think that costly grace is the grace that makes you thirsty. You're thirsty to know more. Thirsty to want Him.
• Which one is more attractive? Cheap grace is. It's easy. It's pretty. No blood, no sacrifice. Do what feels good, get forgiven later.

Romans 6:23
Titus 3:3-7
2 Corinthians 5:14-15
Titus 2:11-12

Day 12:: Death...and Your Good Clothes

Be Ruthless. Show No Mercy. Kill It.

• Put a sin to death= choke it, kill it, do what ever you have to do to not make that sin rear its head, stay out of those tempting situations. 
• I need to kill:: lust, deception, lying, judging, being unkind.  I keep these sins hidden. They are committed inside... most people can't see any of them. I know that I can kill them. Its hard. I know that once they are choked, my commitment will then be able to grow. 
• In order to be "full" you have to gain something for everything you give up. You give up drinking, you gain control. You give up satan, you gain Christ. You give up lying, you gain truth. You give up lust, you gain true love. If you get rid of your sin, there's nothing better to fill that than the love and strength of Christ. He's gonna help you. He'll hold you up when you feel that weakness. 
• What clothes have you found and put on from God's closet in the past week? What were the situations? How did putting on those characteristics help you? Well...
• We had a dinner yesterday and pretty much my entire family came to my house. About 10 or so kids running around and the adults who had a lot to catch up on. It was absolutely chaotic. I put on "patience" in order to breathe and just take it minute by minute. 
• I put on "wisdom" to know that I should go with my family and help them out instead of attending a good friend's birthday celebration. I really wanted to be with her... and I probably would have been if it were any other weekend, but I knew that my family really needed me. I'm sure that my friend's night went great, as planned, without me.
• How can I seek greater knowledge of God?  
• the number one way that you will grow in spiritual knowledge on this earth is by reading and studying the Bible for yourself. There is simply no other way.
• God has arranged to have all of the spiritual knowledge that we will ever need about Him, His Son and His Spirit to all be contained in this one Book. You also grow in the knowledge of God through your own personal adventures that you have with Him in your own daily walk, along with learning from other Christians, especially those who are anointed and gifted to be able to teach from His Word.
• I do long for that depth. Even though I know I could very well lose everything I have or could have on this earth, there's nothing I would rather have.
• Clothes of Christ::: Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, love, unity, peace, thankfulness, wisdom. (Col 3:12-17)
  
  
  
  

Rom 8:13

Col 3:5, 9-10

Heb 11:6

Day 11: Bought and Paid For

1. You have been bought with a price
2. Release your grip on sin.
3. Realize that all you have is a gift from God.

Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or toobedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life (Rom. 6:16-22).

• You are a slave to what you serve. If you sin, you are a slave to that master. I learned not too long ago that if i wanted to have any sort of success in my attitude, relationships, anything like that, I have to put Christ first in my life. Period. I, then, can live as a slave of Christ. Pure obedience. 
• I know that my spirit was incredibly convicted once I figured out that I'm not my own person. He bled for me. That's a big deal. Bigger than anything I would ever do. I used to treat my body like it was separate from Christ. I was my own person...He wants me to feel good and be happy. No. I wasn't put here to have those sinful pleasures. Yeah...its true that He died for me and that all my sins are forgiven, past, present, and future. But when I said a curse word, it was as if Christ said it. When I drank that alcohol, He was drinking it. You get the picture. My body or mind doesn't belong to me. Its HIS. All His. 
• In other words: Don't let the power of my hand and what I want overtake the power of Him and what He wants for me in my life. Things I can touch mean nothing. Crucify my hand like Christ. 
• This prayer is what I need honestly. I get caught up in all of what the world has to offer, when, in reality, none of it can compare to what Christ did for me and what I gain by fully walking with Him.
• Everything that I have, is a gift. I know that. Sometimes its completely overwhelming to try to understand the sacrifice Christ made for me.
• " I belong to you, Lord, and I know you are going to work this out for good in some way. I trust You."
• As soon as I understand the way Christ works, I understand that situations and circumstances and happenings are 100% out of my hands. I can't make someone accept me. I can't make something happen when and how I think it should. He's gonna take those things and bend and make it into something I can't even imagine right now. I can't help how He works.  :) What a blessing.

1 Cor 6:19-20

Rom 6:16

1 Cor 1:4-7

Day 10:: Rubbish.. What Does That Mean?

"The call of Jesus teaches us that our relation to the world has been built on an illusion" 

--(Bonhoeffer)

"When we "consider" the truth and that truth shatters our illusions, it sinks deep into our hearts and changes out lives. Suddenly, the things that seemed so important become nuisances and Jesus consumes us." -Nassar p. 90

• My "Credentials":: Power-If your job is to be over someone; If you have control.     Prestige-I think its prestigious to be the president, or a professional athlete. High honor.     Popularity-haha! having the most friends! :)
• A lot of times, people use their power, prestige, and/or popularity to get people to do what they want them to do. And, to be in good graces with them, they do whatever they ask of them. 
• Idolatry is a big way these can get in the way of being a committed Christian. In the dictionary, idolatry means: a blind or excessive devotion to something. And when people put those who are powerful, prestigious, or popular in front of Christ, you definitely can't walk that Christian walk.
• I haven't bought an article of clothing in quite a while. I know where my money needs to go first. So the other things I used to spend it on don't seem important anymore. I spend the majority of my time at church or with people from church, or reading devotions or Christian books and my bible. I squeeze in time with my friends now... and not the other way around, squeezing in time for Christ.

Phil 3:4-6, 7-8
Eph 2:8-9
Phil 4:12-13

Day 9:: What's Your Treasure?

To gain it all, you may lose your reputation, comfort, loved ones, job...
but if Jesus Christ is the reward, I'll take that any day.

• How can you tell what someone values? If its in your heart, it shows in your character. One girl put on her facebook once that she was so sick and tired of seeing nothing but status updates about God, children and how awful people's work days were. I politely responded that God (and the bible) is what I do; its who I am. And because He is the only one in my heart worthy of all the praise, He gets that number one spot. If I were to spend my time going out and partying all the time, there would be no room for God to be around. If my biggest goal was to be rich, I would spend all my time working and finding ways to make more money. Again, no time to spend with Jesus. Actions will always speak louder than any words ever will. 
• The day I discovered Jesus:: Wow. I'm gonna start crying. I'm not sure of the day...  I was at Temple of the Lord. It was on a Sunday night. And it was before my parents passed away (which is a really big deal--my mom got to see me give my heart to Jesus) I don't know what the message was about. I know that, with my hands raised in worship, I literally felt the Holy Spirit wrap His arms around me. Every single part of me tingled. And I'm pretty sure the tears didn't stop for hours. I always knew that belonging to Him was the only way to go to heaven. But on that day, I met the Forgiving God, the God of Grace, the God of Love. (I was right...tears are streaming.) It's impossible to understand what He is, and what He does. Its all beyond anything words could say. But I do know that when He speaks, its thunder in my soul. 
• If Christ is our treasure, it changes our outlook on success, pleasure, and approval. 'Success' at the world's level makes our treasure turn to status, money, position. Worldly 'pleasure' could make me happy for a little while...but it all fades away. Its not the real kind of true happiness. As long as my 'approval' comes from the Lord, there's nothing else I need. Sure I have problems wanting the success, pleasure, and the approval from those around me, but when it comes down to it, I know that as long as I'm pushing ahead of all my shortcomings, I will make Him proud.
• What does it mean to enjoy God's blessings without demanding them? Demanding blessings, in any way, is selfishness. And when we get those demanded blessings, it brings us pride. Pride is the end result of all things bad! :) Be thankful when He wants to give you something: knowledge, gifts, insight. That will all come in HIS time, and not your own. Once you get prideful about blessings, you may not be getting any more. :)
• You know? The second that my life becomes so overly compacted with activities that I want to do, and I pretty much run out of time in the day to spend with Jesus, my life becomes overwhelmingly stressful and hard to deal with and I struggle every day. He has this way of 'shocking' me back into the groove of my commitment to Him. Makes me treasure Him more. :)
• Has God tested me in my commitment to Him? Yep. I feel like wandering off sometimes. I see people have so much fun doing other things. They're Christians...but it's almost like, on the outside, their lives are so much more than mine seems. But...I don't move. I stay where I am, with God, and it seems like once my commitment is resolved, the blessings pour out! I'll take that. I am leading the most rewarding life I could live. I know that when I see the Face of God...nothing of this world will matter. 
• He is no fool to give what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose (Jim Elliot). 

Matt 14:44-46

Day 8:: Lies, Nothing But Lies

WE ARE AT WAR!

Satan's plot is always to plant a question in our minds about God's intentions and character. -Nassar

• Ads? Promises? Services? Success? Power?
• Heineken:: In this ad, Heineken pretty much says that if this is your beverage of choice, you'll make a good name for yourself in the eyes of the girl you're trying to impress. You'll look good.
• Budlight:: If a popular actor drinks it, it must be ok. Its peer pressure from someone you look up to.
• Ciroc::Famous people drink it, and encourage you to drink it. They're rich and powerful.
• Adidas:: if you wear these shoes, you'll be good at skating, rapping, dancing, walking, etc. More famous, rich, powerful people.
• Lexus:: "Liberation through acceleration" All these people in these cars are beautiful, look successful. 
• Examples Of:::
• Temptations--Sex. Alcohol. Drugs. Porn. Violence. 
• Accusations--I sinned therefore I suck. Anything that can turn your eyes away from Him and onto yourself.
• Confusion--Anything that distorts our view of God.
• Obstacles--things that happen to get in our path; things that are hard to deal with.
• I do ok with temptations; obstacles make it harder to walk on the path, but I still manage to jump or go around them; confusion...I know exactly what Christ did for me, and once my mind is made up, its hard to change that. The one I struggle with the most is the Accusations of satan. Who am I for Christ to lay down His life? Doesn't He know all the horrible things I've done?? Sometimes I feel like I am the most unworthy of that sacrifice. There are things I've done, ways I've lived, people I've hurt... I can't even understand the magnitude of His love. 
• "Yes, Judge, my client is guilty, but her penalty has already been paid. By me. In blood." -Jesus. Wow. He's my defense attorney. I am absolutely sure that I could never ever lay my life down for just any person. Just knowing that He did that for me...and for every single one of my sins (and there are plenty)... Yeah. I'll lay my life down for Him. 
• The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Cor 10:4-5  
• You have to own your thoughts. And if its something not pleasing to Christ, get rid of it.
• Personally, hopelessness takes hold of me more than pride. I'm not prideful, but I definitely feel like I'm not worthy of all this Christ gave. 

Matt 13:22-23

2 Cor 11:14

2 Cor 10:4-5

Eph 6:10-13

Matt 13:1-9, 18-23

Day 7:: Know The Word

THE BIBLE IS THE BLUEPRINT OF LIFE

• Can a person walk with God and not know God's word? No. Can a car mechanic work on a car if they don't have the knowledge of its components and how it fits together to make it work? No. Not having knowledge of what God says in his word is walking through life completely and totally blind, so to speak. It just can't happen if you want all the grace and forgiveness He promises you. 
• Where do I hear God's truth spoken? I love going to church. Its food for the soul. I attend Rockbridge most Thursdays and New Town Baptist on Wednesdays and some Sundays. I also listen to music to hear the truth. Sometimes, it seems that music can speak to me and help truths to 'click' more often than just hearing a preacher talk about it.
• Read:: I try to read a Proverb every day (as there are 31 of them.). Ephesians and Philipians and Galations and Isaiah and Revelation and Luke are where I read from more than any other books. I also love James. I read before bed. <--Which really doesn't make sense. You eat your breakfast to get ready for the day...and the bible is food for your soul. I'm getting ready to battle the world on a new day, so maybe I should start doing this in the mornings.... :)
• Study:: I use the internet often to look up things that relate to some thing or some idea I have going through my mind. Just to learn what the scripture says about certain topics I need help understanding. I have an awesome concordance in the back of my bible. I do use that...but not as often as the internet. Its just more convenient I guess. I wish I had a giant book that would tell me what to study. :) That would be awesome. 
• Memorize:: Memorizing verses is helpful. Maybe not when you read them...but later, when you or someone you know is in certain life situations, its always good when you can say, "hey! I know what God said..."
• Meditate:: To meditate: To reflect on; contemplate. Simple enough. It means that when you read something, you think about it. When I meditate, its almost like I'm praying. Especially since I can read one verse today and it not mean anything, it will surely mean something to me eventually. I think about it, pray about it, and understand it being truth.
• How do the Holy Spirit and the Holy book work together in a person's life to transform, encourage, and direct? The bible is filled with the Holy Spirit. When you read the bible, you get so much knowledge of the Holy Spirit. And it spews out from you: physically, emotionally, spiritually. 

Heb 4:12-13
Rom 10:17
Deut 17:19
Prov 2:3-7
Heb 12:14

Day 6:: God's Work

The "rules" change once your habit does.

M: mystery

A: adventure

P: passion

• Follow the rules or follow Christ? I don't think God gives 'rules'...He gives guidelines. I choose to not go out to clubs and stuff because of the atmosphere. I won't find Christ there. Why would I go after anything less than that? Following rules seems very strict: like when you break a rule, the punishment is harsh. But following Christ is a walk....full of grace. 
• What are some rules zealous young Christians impose on themselves and others? 
• Code of Don'ts? I think that this way of life is not the way Christ wants us to live. Sure, we're supposed to not do some things...but they are just understood. Although living this way will surely help someone not do the 'wrong' or 'bad' things, you suffer your own guilt and unforgiveness once those lines are crossed. 
• Have I seen the Holy Spirit at work in my life in the past week? I have. Some days its stronger than other days, but I put that mainly on the priorities I make in my own life. [I really need to slow down and go after Him. 
• Failed to respond to God?:: yep. Its called straight selfishness. When God speaks, its almost like a voice that I put on the back burner sometimes. I'll get around to that later. Maybe tomorrow. I really really really don't want to make that call or go to see that person.
• Nassar made an illustration to relate how the Holy Spirit does things in our lives. The farmer has certain steps that have to be taken: plow, plant, water and feed, maintain the area, get rid of bugs. But after he does all that, he doesn't have the power to make the wheat grow. Its all in the preparation. We have to put the building blocks in the right place in order for the Holy Spirit to do His work in us. Am I a good 'farmer'? Sometimes I am; sometimes I'm not. Worship, pray, read the Word, have Christian friends who build me up. Yeah. I do that. But it almost seems like, sometimes, all that's just not enough. I get lazy. I don't read as much as I could. But I've been doing better with some of those things. I can definitely tell a difference!

Psalm 116:1-2
Romans 14:4-5, 19
Phil 2:12-18

Day 5:: Excuses, Excuses

I'm gonna start this one off a little differently. I make excuses for everything. Even when it comes to doing devotion or reading the bible or cleaning my room. Its what I do. And its absolutely ridiculous. So needless to say, this one was a hard truth. What if Jesus made up some excuse when He was on His way to calvary? Wow.

The Great Banquet Luke 14:15-24
These guys made excuses not to come to this fantastic feast the king was having for them and them alone. When they said they had other things (which were very reasonable), the king said that they weren't invited any longer and sent his servants out to find people who wanted to be a part of this awesome blessing. If I make excuses, I won't get the awesome blessing God has for me.

• I don't have time. I would rather be doing anything else. I'm too sleepy. I'm just human; God understands. He'll forgive me. I might lose all my friends. That stuff is just so confusing. I just want to be happy.
• The ones I use? I don't make time to read my bible. I don't make time to do my devotion. I have full intention of waking up early to do it, or setting time before bed to do it....but we all know that it doesn't always happen that way.
• For a little while a couple of years ago, I became so wrapped up in wanting attention from guys. I chose the most horrible way to do that. My excuse? I wanted to feel like I was likable. I wanted that closeness. Did I ever get that? Of course not. All I got was wasted space in my heart that no guy was able to fill. I also had just a couple of pretty bad friendships. Nothing I ever did was good enough. My excuse for not making a change?? They always seemed to have fun. So I wanted to have fun. I wanted to be a part of that. I also liked to drink. I was nothing close to an alcoholic, but I did enjoy it. I knew that its a sin to not have control over your body (which doesn't really belong to me...it's Christ's). My excuse?? I felt like I had to do it to fit in. Wrong crowd. Wrong choices. God will forgive me. 
• The right and wrong things have almost always been clear for me, so I've never used 'confusion' as an excuse. I did, however, use convenience as one. Its easier to conform your self, your ways, your actions to fit to what your 'friends' are. The hardest part of living a Christian life is conforming your ways, your actions to what Christ is.
• When I choose to disobey, I break God's heart. He made me for a reason. He made me with purpose. I know that He sees everything. He's always here. And when I do things that I KNOW He would never approve of, it hurts Him.
• Obedience is loyalty, not just following a rule. Absolutely. Its not about breaking rules. Its about not wanting to. That's loyalty. Loyalty is faithfulness. 

Matt 8:19-22

Day 4:: Rewards

Those who honor me I will honor them. -1 Sam 2:30

     You reap what you sow. I've heard this since I was little...and as I got older, this same principle turned in to karma. You do good, you will have good done to you. You do bad, you will have bad done to you.

• If I choose to treat people badly, like gossiping or being rude, then I wouldn't expect those people to not gossip about me. I wouldn't expect them to even like me. I try and live by the golden rule: do to others as you would have them do to you. I don't hang out with guys who have girlfriends because, if I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't want any girls to hang out with them. 
• Sowing to 'please the sinful nature': I know that my lust that I have, nothing good can come from it. I try to keep myself from any sort of things (alcohol, sex, lust, hate) that will come between me and God. I don't go out to bars...even if I have every intention on NOT drinking. By doing that, I am "reaping" a better 'name' than I had before. I'm not that girl. I'm not that person. I feel so much stronger now that I have control over my life and my actions. 
• Sowing to 'please the Spirit': Right now, I am spending more and more time in my bible. I spend more time praying and talking to God. I know that I'm not perfect, but I know my soul feels so much better than it used to. I am "reaping" knowledge, wisdom, special friendships, and, who knows???.....I could be finding my future mate. :)
• On day 4 of this devotion, Nassar writes about a 'video' of your life being played at the Judgement Seat of Christ.... Whoa. How would I like that?? I know that Jesus knows everything that I've done, good or bad, wrong or right. And I know that He's forgiven me for all of that. I know for a fact that the good does NOT out weigh the bad. Half of me is excited about seeing that video only because it shows where I was and where I am. The other half doesn't want to see it. Painful memories of me blatantly disobeying what God has said....no thanks. I'm ashamed of that. And frankly, I don't want to look at His face and see the disappointment. :/
• Following Christ? Yeah! I wouldn't have it any other way! I know that there are so many consequences; so much scrutiny. I made my life into something that I wanted: drinking, sex, gossip, not so great language. It was so unfulfilling. I made that decision to turn from all that! And when I did, I had to start all over again. I had nothing that I was used to: no friends, no plans. I was so lonely, or so I thought. Little by little, Christ was intertwined into every single aspect of my life. I learned that it was 100% ok to be alone sometimes. I also learned that my family is amazing! Now, after taking small steps, I have such great friends and so much fun with them. Me and Jesus:: We're best friends. I wouldn't have it any other way.
• God will reward my faithfulness. If I choose to out to a bar or over to a guy's house, its like me taking 4 steps back. But if I remain faithful to Him and choose to honor what He says, in every single way, I'm taking those forward steps. :)

Gal 6:7-9

Jer 45:5

1Cor 3:11-15

Matt 10:41-42

"I am sure of God's hand and guidance...You must never doubt that I am thankful and glad to go to the way which I am being let. My past life is abundantly full of God's mercy, and, above all sin, stands the forgiving love of the Crucified."  --Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Day 3:: Ruined

"...I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips..." -Isaiah 6:5

Self-absorption leads to shame, pride, and cockiness. 

Our lives will be driven by conviction, not just convenience.

"Some of us have a very wrong view of guilt and forgiveness. We think that we have to feel bad enough long enough to feel forgiven, but that's not forgiveness; it's penance. Others of us think that forgiveness is a simple, legal, emotionless act. But genuine forgiveness involves genuine sorrow." 

• Vision of God is, to me, Him telling you something. Whether it be to show me something I am struggling with or to show who He is. 
• I don't think i've ever had the 'ruined' experience. I would love to. That would be the ultimate event of my heart. I want to be broken. I want to surrender. And I want to be ruined. 
• For God to cauterize your sins, I think He burns them off of you. Like for instance, if I had a problem with my tongue, gossip or cursing, He has this way of making you hurt when you do it because you know you're not supposed to do it.
• I think that if you are ruined then healed, you become a brand new person. I can't get better until I know that there's something wrong. The way I feel wrong about some sin I commit is just conviction, then comes sorrow, then comes the feeling of unworthiness. But after I sink so low in my faith, it is then when God builds me back up...the way HE wants me with the things HE wants in my life.
• I know that no matter how hard I try to get rid of certain sins in my life, its impossible to do. I tried to stop drinking and stop doing anything sexual. It wasn't until I failed so many times that I realized that my human, fleshly self couldn't do any of that on my own. Someone told me that God's shoulders are big enough to hold then entire world on them...My problems and struggles have a place there too. And once I trusted that He wanted to help me overcome those sins, it suddenly became that much easier to not do it! 

Isa 6:1-5, 6-7, 8-9

2 Cor 7:8-10

    I went to dinner with a couple friends the other night and on the way, I made the comment that sometimes I just wanted a drink. Even though I don't indulge in alcohol, just confessing that made me realize what a stronghold that had on me at one time. One of my friends then told me that satan only strikes harder when you're winning the war. And when it seems like I'm doing good, and not wanting to drink or whatever, that's when he strikes harder. You have to choke him. You have to put him down. Strangle him. He won't have this victory over me. 
     I'm so blessed to have friends now who understand my struggles and can really help me with Godly advice. I don't think any of them will ever know how much they really mean to me right now. So blessed. 

Day 2:: Hard Words

"This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?"

Nothing is sugar-coated. He is who He is. He says that we can't hold anything/anyone above him. That is: possessions, money, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. There's something that is blocking the way for the Holy Spirit to truly move in our lives. There's no bargaining; no excuses worth Him hearing. 

• Did God shine any light on something that is occupying my heart in His place? Yep. And it feels like a wake up call honestly. I know that I used to have this thing about 'going with the crowd', and now that the 'crowd' isn't a part of my daily routine, things I do are much more private and done alone. I watch reality tv all the time. I facebook. I know that there are so many other things, but these are really starting to become a problem, both in my spiritual/emotional life and in my work life. I remember when I was so convicted of being in sexual relationships with guys who I didn't really care for. It was nothing more than self-gratification; completely and utterly selfish. With a little struggle, though, it suddenly became a thing of the past. And now, I feel so much closer to God.
• I feel like my strengths are helping people with any problem or situation that comes along in their lives. While it is certainly a good thing, that can also come with a lot of pride. Sometimes I take a bow for someone else coming out of their sadness or their anger, when, in reality, the glory must go to God.
• Entertain me. I think this culture is all about being entertained. Flashy lights, bands, the best technology. That's what draws people in. Nothing is ever "traditional" any more. Without the bells and whistles, I don't think a lot of people would even come to church.    At the same time, we feel that if they don't give me what I want, then they don't really need me anyhow. This culture teaches that if you don't like something, the easiest thing to do is turn the other way and go find something pleasing to our own liking. I'm guilty of that. Its the easiest thing to do. But I'm finding more and more that sometimes the RIGHT thing isn't always the EASY thing.
• Hard words are a sign of God's love for me? Definitely. God gives nothing but positive criticism. There's nothing He does or says that is out of hate. It's pure, 100%, perfect love. And sometimes that's even hard to accept. I think it's because we are incapable of loving the way He does.
• John 6:25-29   Wow. I'm gonna follow Jesus because He has the truth, and because his way is the way to live.

Prov 3:11-12

Heb 12:5-6

Matt 19:16-22

Day 1::Take Up Your Cross

Matt 16:24

Deny Yourself           No selfishness

Take Up Your Cross        (Saying "Yes!" To Him)

Follow Him            Like Peter did

"The world has yet to see what God will do through one man whose heart is completely His." -Moody

• Selfish ambitions, behaviors, attitudes, desires? I really have so many of those. I want the path in which I get more money. There are so many things/acts/thoughts to indulge in where there's no room for Christ: drinking, drugs, sex, judgement, just being plain mean. I have urges. Someone walks in my office with a mullet, I'm gonna laugh. He or she could be just the best person and an awesome friend and it really is so unfair for them to be treated the way they are in my mind only because of their choice of hairstyle.
• I would love to say that I'm not a judgmental person, and I'm not when it comes to physical things like hair and clothes. But I do judge people by the people they hang out with, or by the words that come out of their mouths. And after I do that, its almost as if that past that I was a witness to hangs over them forever. I am also very impatient. I want it when I think I should have it. 
• I suppose the only reason I have for being this way is maybe the way it makes me feel. I have a sense of pride and purpose when I see that other people don't. Maybe I hold myself higher. Pride.
• I could start by, instead of judging, think of something positive about that person. And instead of being so impatient, I could start just breathing and remember God's promises about His timing is the only timing that's important. 
• TAKE UP MY CROSS. Jesus had to do that very thing, literally, when he had to make that walk to Calvary. He was carrying with him every sin that every man would commit. I feel like Christ is asking us to do that same thing....only for our own sins. Sacrificing them all and learning to only do what He would have us do.
• Is it worth it? I think its very worth it! The reward is an absolutely selfless life. And while I know that I will fall extremely short of that in this life, I'm gonna press on.
• Matthew 16:24-27  Following Jesus is a true commitment, the risk of death, and no turning back.

Heb 12:2
Phil 2:5-8, 9-11
John 8:50
Phil 4:13

Here we go....

"When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die."

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

     A call to die. I'm beginning this 40-day devotion journey with an open heart and an open mind. I heard some friends talking about how radically this book changed their outlook on their own lives. So...of course I decided that I just had to do it to see what all the fuss was about. :) The point is to us the Holy Spirit and His word to reveal to us what it means to die to ourselves so Christ can live through us.  So...here I go. I'm so excited to see Jesus manifested in and throughout my life. This a big commitment for me...I actually have about 4 books at home that I've started reading and just haven't finished. 

     Fasting. Denying yourself of something so you can focus more completely on God. I've done this before when my mom was in the intensive care. For the 2 weeks she was in there, the members of my church as well as myself, completely skipped a meal and spent that time doing nothing but praying for her complete recovery. It takes one bad experience to make you skeptical about doing it again. But I've decided that I can't let the past steer what my present is. I've decided that I want to fast from tv at work(hulu) and I won't be getting on Facebook but once a day. In addition to that, I want to use this fasting opportunity to do something healthy. I'm going to stay away from sweets and I've got to exercise more. I'm also going to continue to do my daily Fuel and the daily devotion from My Utmost For His Highest and my daily proverb. Maybe even some more reading. 

     I'm so excited for this...if you couldn't tell. :) I just finished a book called Boundaries. The main point of that book is to learn to have relationships; the most important being the one with Christ. So that's the number one thing I want to  develop more deeply. 

     I've signed my covenant!!! Let's do this!!!

Phil 1:6
Rom 6:11
Gal 2:20
Isa 55:10-11