Day 3:: Ruined

"...I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips..." -Isaiah 6:5

Self-absorption leads to shame, pride, and cockiness. 

Our lives will be driven by conviction, not just convenience.

"Some of us have a very wrong view of guilt and forgiveness. We think that we have to feel bad enough long enough to feel forgiven, but that's not forgiveness; it's penance. Others of us think that forgiveness is a simple, legal, emotionless act. But genuine forgiveness involves genuine sorrow." 

• Vision of God is, to me, Him telling you something. Whether it be to show me something I am struggling with or to show who He is. 
• I don't think i've ever had the 'ruined' experience. I would love to. That would be the ultimate event of my heart. I want to be broken. I want to surrender. And I want to be ruined. 
• For God to cauterize your sins, I think He burns them off of you. Like for instance, if I had a problem with my tongue, gossip or cursing, He has this way of making you hurt when you do it because you know you're not supposed to do it.
• I think that if you are ruined then healed, you become a brand new person. I can't get better until I know that there's something wrong. The way I feel wrong about some sin I commit is just conviction, then comes sorrow, then comes the feeling of unworthiness. But after I sink so low in my faith, it is then when God builds me back up...the way HE wants me with the things HE wants in my life.
• I know that no matter how hard I try to get rid of certain sins in my life, its impossible to do. I tried to stop drinking and stop doing anything sexual. It wasn't until I failed so many times that I realized that my human, fleshly self couldn't do any of that on my own. Someone told me that God's shoulders are big enough to hold then entire world on them...My problems and struggles have a place there too. And once I trusted that He wanted to help me overcome those sins, it suddenly became that much easier to not do it! 

Isa 6:1-5, 6-7, 8-9

2 Cor 7:8-10

    I went to dinner with a couple friends the other night and on the way, I made the comment that sometimes I just wanted a drink. Even though I don't indulge in alcohol, just confessing that made me realize what a stronghold that had on me at one time. One of my friends then told me that satan only strikes harder when you're winning the war. And when it seems like I'm doing good, and not wanting to drink or whatever, that's when he strikes harder. You have to choke him. You have to put him down. Strangle him. He won't have this victory over me. 
     I'm so blessed to have friends now who understand my struggles and can really help me with Godly advice. I don't think any of them will ever know how much they really mean to me right now. So blessed.